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Me: Grandma, let's get your wig on.
Grandma: When I was young, we'd say it as "Let's get a wiggle on."
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Me: [Finishing a rant] I mean, who leaves their husband and kids to do drugs with their boyfriend??
Grandma and Granddad: [raise their hands]
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[While looking at a picture depicting Granddad and another man]
Me: Were you getting an award?
Granddad: Let's see. Wow. He's dead now.
Grandma: Who is he?
Granddad: The other man in the picture.
Grandma: Well, I knew you're not dead.
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Granddad: Do you know what Kombucha is?
Me: Yes. It's like a naturally-carbonated tea.
Granddad: [Shakes head] And yerba mate. Have you heard of it?
Me: Yes. I think it's a coffee substitute.
Granddad: [Perfectly serious] I don't understand. Why do people want to try new things?
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